random scribbles...

2003-02-12T02:06:00.000-05:00

site moving to :
www.[rani].blogspot.com

make your appropriate changes please =)

2003-01-28T18:04:00.000-05:00

i don't know what it is, but i'm feeling extremely sluggish the past couple of days. i've been taking a lot of naps and still feeling very tired. and i've been eating like a pig... i constantly have something in my mouth... sometimes its hungry sometimes its munchies... and so it's eating then sleeping, eating then sleeping. oh, and classes somewhere in there...hehe. but if this keeps up, not only will i be eating and sleeping like a pig, i'll look like one! aiya...=o) anyways, my life... it's been super. God works in such miraculous ways and He answers prayers. one of my childhood favourite songs:

God Answers Prayers

Have you ever talked to God above
tell Him that you need a friend to love
pray in Jesus name believing that God will answer prayers?

Have you told Him of your cares and woes?
every tiny little fear He knows
and you'll know He'll always hear, and He will answer prayers.

You can whisper in a crowd to Him,
You can cry when you're alone with Him,
you don't have to pray aloud to Him
He knows your thoughts.

On a lofty mountain peak He's there,
in the meadow by the stream He's there,
everywhere on earth you go, He's been there from the start.

Find the answer in His Word it's true,
you'll be strong because He walks with you,
everywhere on earth you go, He's been there from the start.=o)

there is so much power in prayer. pray and trust that the Lord will answer you in His good time.

2003-01-23T00:36:00.000-05:00

our fellowship went to Oasis tonight and it was an experience. i know that God is stretching me... letting me see the world for what it is... and nudging me toward something... *needs prayer*
thank you for blessing me with more than enough Father. let me give of myself to your world.

2003-01-19T18:03:00.000-05:00

mmm...so i was going to recap the past month but then realized that i don't really remember all that's happened! but here are a few highlights...
-Christmas celebration and my first crack at interpreting... quite funny =)
-many embarrassing stories that i'm sure we'll hear again when wedding bells roll around hehe...
-Christmas day...dim sum, movies, praise, prayer.... time with family and shu...new winter jacket that i love! =) *grins*
-shuey's birthday!
-bromium arrival...hahaha...=)
-meeting with people i haven't seen in a while... good times of catching up
-new year's at my place... more funny stories and green masks =)
-jeremiah winter retreat... a blessing.
mmm... i know i left tons out but that's what comes to mind right now. my first two weeks of school have gone by very quickly. i really enjoy my classes but work is starting to pile up and i'm trying my best to not get too behind. last week, admist some unecessary knots and tangles i had a chance to catch up with cookie and pris and deb. thanks girls. i think our talks have challenged me to let God work and in His time, His will, will be done. yesterday shu and i went rock climbing with daniel fellowship (chinese university/career fellowship at church). most of you know that i am afraid of heights... but i thought that i should give it a try anyways and see if i could conquer my fear. uh... haha... well let's just say that the fear hasn't totally been conquered yet... but dear, thanks for giving me more confidence. =) it was fun..and given the opportunity, i'd do it again. and at night we had dinner at ken and ann's place. what an evening. thanks so much for a very good dinner. and the more time i spend with the two of you, the more relevant it is to me why God put you two together. it was a fantastic evening full of jokes, and laughs, and seriousness, and tears, and breaking, and molding, and boldness, and reconciling, and commitments. you guys helped us see things more clearly and differently and yet put it all back into perspective. it was a special blessing and i thank you ken and ann and shu. next time, we'll cook... or order in hehe... and we'll talk about you guys! *grins* we have a worship meeting in a couple of hours...my heart is anxious.
matthew 11:29-30: "take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

2003-01-15T00:07:00.000-05:00

i'm back i'm back i'm back...heheh...=D i'm sorrie i haven't updated in ages. i finally got internet back up this week. and this blog isn't gonna be much except to say that i will start blogging again..*smiles* it's been one pretty crazy month with so much that has happened...so much that's going to happen... i'll try to do a recap of the last month in a couple of days... but for now, here are some thoughts running through my head...
-new ideas on what leadership means
-"i'm under construction"
-"but everything that is done must be useful to all and build them up in the Lord." 1 corinthians 14:26b (NLT)
-challenged to love those who are hard for me to love right now (thanks dear)

more to come... =)

2002-12-18T12:16:00.000-05:00

it's almost over! i'm so excited...kinda.... i still have another exam and assignment to go... holiday season, what a crazy time... i think sometimes we get so caught up in gift buying, card writing, getting together with friends, that we forget why we have this holiday to begin with.
Father, thank You for the most precious gift anyone can ever give...one so abundant in love and mercy and grace...thank You for Jesus...thank You for giving me life through Him.
i know that this song is not a favourite for a lot of us cuz it sounds kinda cheesy, but what a message!
Go! tell it on the mountains,
over the hills and everywhere!
Go! tell it on the mountains
that Jesus Christ is born!

we are the reason that He gave his life
we are the reason that He suffered and died
to a world that was lost He gave all He could give
to show us a reason to live.

LET'S CELEBRATE JESUS!!! =D

2002-12-16T18:41:00.000-05:00

*grumbling & sighing* i wish i was shopping and out playing in the snow... no more studying!!! it's driving me insane! i still have an exam tomorrow morning and one on thursday and 2 assignments... boo... trying to stay positive... only...75 more hours... hahaha.............. okie...not quite so positive... BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! heh... much better... back to studying...=/ oh, bye bye toby... i know you're not there yet... i'm praying for ya! cheerio! bon voyage! aheehee... God is in control. take care and ... be good! *laughs*

2002-12-14T00:37:00.000-05:00

what a magical night...*eyes shining & can't stop smiling* here's to surprises (porch step), a rose (beautiful), raspberry sparkling spritzer (very good), home-cooked dinner (a great cook), crazy kitchen (can't find anything), matching napkins (a hee hee), bob & larry (thank you!), the gift of music (praise the name of Jesus!), the gift of love (a true blessing), the gift of Jesus (most undeserving, yet most amazing). dear, you're a sweetheart. i thank God for you.
O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.
~Psalm 34:3

2002-12-13T00:40:00.000-05:00

He must become greater; i must become less.
John 3:30

play-doh. *smiles*

2002-12-11T22:34:00.000-05:00

i can't really explain how i'm feeling... but these verses give me comfort... that my God, is more than enough for me.... that He's still more awesome than i know... i need to count my blessings.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Saviour and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you.

Psalm 42:5-6

2002-12-10T15:31:00.000-05:00

another day of hibernation in my house... =) i was gonna hit the library today but my parents told me this morning that i won't have the car. that's the problem with living out in boonieville... i don't even know what public transportation comes this far. =) oh well... i got my exam done in time last night even though it wasn't quite long enough... but one down! and only 4 more exams and 2 more assignments to go....=) one at a time... *breath rani, breath* =) ai, stale air... come to think of it, i haven't been outside of the house since sunday... i guess it's technically not that long... but too lazy to change and go outside... where would i go anyways? i'm surrounded by mud =) cookie, thank you for reminding me and pointing out the blessing i've been given. i sometimes forget. shu, you're done! yay! vida, i'll help, i'll help!! =) anyways, just blubbering away... i wanna put up the psalm i read today...Psalm 145--what a great psalm. how beautifully put and how much it speaks of who God is and what i want to say and commit to him.

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.

The Lord is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.

You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.
(selected verses of psalm 145)

2002-12-09T17:26:00.000-05:00

it's been a while... i finally kinda have internet hooked up at home... right now i'm supposed to be writing my take-home exam. i got it through e-mail at 8 this morning and it's due at midnight tonight. but i'm at a complete loss... major case of writer's block... i can't seem to formulate my ideas... actually, i don't even have any ideas. *sigh* so i'm taking a lil' break =) shu and i went to loo on saturday so we could see ray get baptized on sunday. congrats ray! =) we actually went to mississauga first cuz shu had a game there. it was the first full game that i've seen him play. he's a super basketball player! *grins* i'm not just saying that, he really is. and they won! boo to the ref though, he made some bad calls. anyways, we drove into loo and had dinner at philthy mcnasty's. it was my first time there, and the food was pretty good... though i think the tv would make up for it even if it wasn't good. =) we ended playing street hockey with a whole bunch of people. it was a lot of fun. i really needed the fresh air and just some craziness. it's been a pretty trying week for me and so i was glad to be outta the house and with people. sorrie for all my grouchiness and over-sensitivity... forgive me, please =):)? the next morning we went to KWCAC for service. it was... an interesting experience i guess. we saw ray get dunked heh... =) and yeah, i think that's all i'll say about the service. =) then we went to mckeedees... *shakes head* ray! next time i want some real food okay?! hehe... it was all good. and i'm glad i got to see some people i haven't seen for a lil' bit. just some random people in mind... anita, thanks for the smiles and wise words. tim, thanks for taking the time to talk with me. i really needed it. deb, exams are almost done! remember how we're gonna tell each other to work? *laughs* me the procrastinator... but yeah, i'm praying for ya. macy, i'm excited to hear about you getting that group together. and planting an idea in my head... God works in mysterious ways so we'll see what he has planned. cookie, you are just awesome. *hugs* kathy, what craziness eh? =) more talk and shopping to come! andy, don't be a hermit. still gotta get a breath of fresh air every so often okie? heh... katy, God is always working. praise Him! =) tams & anna, i missed getting together this week. during the holidays okie? janey, you're included already so no backing out hehe... how funky can the colour of the shirt be? you guys have me curious... =) jeremiah, i'm praying for you guys. keep seeking God. and last but certainly not least, shuey, one lil' step at a time okie? *hugs* GUIDANCE-- God leads U & I in our DANCE together. oh, and P-SHU no longer exists!!! *winks* or else... MUAHAHAHAHAHA.... *laughs out loud* me so funny.... aiya... okie, had too much fun and breaked for too long... back to this paper.

2002-11-20T20:18:00.000-05:00

'where have you been?' 'are you okay?' 'you didn't collapse did you?' THANK YOU THANK YOU AND THANK YOU! =o) thank you to all those who left me messages the past week. i'm okay!!! =o) God, what great love. so to answer a bunch of the questions... i'm okie! =o) no fainting, no falling down, no bad stuff with my health. i've been moving moving moving... and then drowned in mass choir rehearsals every night. this week i've been driving out every night for rehearsal and returning to school the next morning. kinda nuts =o) oh, and i know that you haven't forgotten that mass choir is this weekend!!! hehehe... on saturday night, it's at Christ Church Deer Park (Yonge & St. Clair) and the sunday night is at Richmond Hill United Church (Yonge & Major Mackenzie). both nights we start at 7:30 so come on out okie?! =) other than that i've been swimming, not yet drowning but close!, in essays and assignments. someone asked about my notes on 'The Spiritual Quest' book i was reading... i'm still reading it, but i've gotten quite a few messages (ahem...margie!!) complaining that they're too long so i'll refrain and only post what really really really sticks out to me. *grins* the new house is nice... everything's all over the place, but nice...=) i need to go do some shopping at ikea! hopefully we'll have it cleared up and stuff by the holidays and then you guys can come over... i'm warning you... it's far far away.... almost in never never land...hehe... anyways, a lesson i'm learning recently... contrite spirit... contrite means broken down with grief and penitence; deeply sorrowful for sin because it is displeasing to God; humbly and thoroughly penitent.
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." ~Psalm 51:17
okie dokie, that's about it for now... i'll post again after all this choir madness is over. may the name of the Lord be praised and glorified.

2002-11-11T23:40:00.000-05:00

many many things that have come up this past week... here it is in a bunch of 'random scribbles' =)
-truly putting God first
-affirming God's place in my life
-that i am willing to give up everything and everyone for God
-be joyful always
-there's a lot that God wants me to do
-never cease to give Him praise
-answered prayers
-stop me me me
-changes happen... life moves on
-vulnerability
-loving others, not with arms crossed, but wide open
-what i need and what i don't need
-we're sponges =)
-don't let one sour grape ruin the whole vine
-searching for the rainbow...on solid ground.
-hmmm... i know there's more...
but that's a bunch of what's been crossing my mind... hopefully i'll get around to expanding on these topics =) God is very very good. verse of the day: "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

2002-11-08T03:30:00.000-05:00

long chapter today... so more coming from this chapter...=)

please pray for Lifesong. the theme is "The World Is Not Enough". gonna take place Friday, the 8th at 7:00.

thoughts today:
The Spiritual Quest, chapter four: The Holiness of God

-Be holy, because I am holy. ~Leviticus 11:44
-If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it. ~Genesis 4:7
-On every college campus students are convinced of one thing: Truth is relative. Decisions are no longer seen as right and wrong but as choices or preferences.-God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. ~2 Corinthians 5:21
-The word ‘holy’ does not appear in the biblical narrative until Exodus 3:5, when God speaks to Moses at the burning bush. From that point, it was used in regard to the covenant and the law so that there is a link between holiness and righteousness. Because God is holy, he is also just. He cannot permissively look on evil and pass it by. He is compelled by his nature to deal justly with it at some point, whether sooner or later.
-As you look for the best way to please him, you discover that he has told you how to do it: obey him.
-This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome. ~1 John 5:3
-Scripture emphatically states that obedience is more important to God than worship.
-Obedience born of faith and love, builds character and develops integrity.
-It takes the form of a single-minded passion to please by love and loyalty, devotion and praise.
-Purity and righteousness are high-sounding but empty terms unless we have a standard of measurement, in this instance, the will of God as revealed in Scripture.
-Righteousness reflects an alignment of action with God’s law. Just as God’s law is a true expression of his nature, as one who is far above us in his righteousness and purity, so his actions are in accord with his law. God always does what is right because it is his nature to do so. He cannot do otherwise or he would not be true to himself.
-Principles underlie each of the Lord’s commandments, and we must attempt to understand them as well as their implications if we intend to conform to God’s expectations.
-At least two errors may develop when you begin to apply God’s moral law: legalism and hypocrisy. Hypocrisy includes paying lip service to Christianity with pious statements or superficial adherence while ignoring the responsibilities and moral obligations of the faith. Legalism consists of reducing an important principle to a list of rules.
-Trust cannot be established without the kind of commitment that brings reliable, consistent, unshakeable behaviour. You must know what you can depend on in order to trust.

Reflections: I think that the part about scripture saying that obedience is more important to God than worship means that you should know why you’re worshiping… or sacrificing… or serving… obedience implies that you know what God wants you to do and you’re following through.

2002-11-07T02:00:00.000-05:00

can't let one sour grape ruin the whole vine.

thoughts today:
The Spiritual Quest, chapter three: the love of the triune God

-The Word was God’s eternal fellow, bound to him as his companion forever. “the Word was with God” (John 1:1)
-The love that binds the Godhead is extended to us
-Could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill, and every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry,
Nor could the scroll contain the whole though stretched from sky to sky.
~Frederick Lehman, “The Love of God”
-The Bible brings us face-to-face with a personal God who is throbbing with love, thriving on companionship—never an abstract, detached, impersonal being. When we meet this loving God who is relational through and through, we can finally understand why he created Adam and Eve.
-The point here is that it is not in Adam’s nature to be alone permanently because he is, by virtue of being made in God’s image, relational by nature—made for companionship and intimacy with God and with his own kind. Therefore, God gave Adam a craving for companionship with another human.
-We are relational creatures just like Adam and Eve. God has made us with an endemic desire to love and be loved because at the core of our being we are relational too.
-In some sense the most benevolent generous person in the world seeks his own happiness in doing good to others, because he places his happiness in their good. ~Jonathan Edwards, Charity and Its Fruits
-Reconciliation is horizontal as well as vertical; it affects our relationship with others.
-Christ rips down the walls that divide us—culture, nationality, ethnicity, theology, denominations, gender—reconciling us to God and to each other.
-Once our vertical relationship with God is restored, horizontal relationships with people must follow.
-In Christ’s kingdom the lion and the lamb will lie down together peacefully. Such harmony needs to begin with us right now as we are conformed to God’s image. The Lord can help us overcome the things that divide us. With his help we may take small but real steps toward healing. For this to happen, though, we must genuinely want to love and forgive those who have hurt us. Knowing how easily the best of intentions can go astray, or be misconstrued, it is all the more necessary to be patient and persevere in our relationships rather than become discouraged when faced with less than a desired or expected response. Genuine friendships emerge from such perseverance. When the love of Christ guides our thoughts and actions, we discover a new capacity to love and honour others.
-Love permeates all that he is and everything that he does. Love provides the basis for his goodness, kindness, compassion, patience, and forgiveness.
-If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. ~1 Corinthians 13:1-3
-He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ~Romans 8:32
-When love is the driving force in a relationship, it changes the questions you ask and the decisions you make.
-We must first love God—and love him completely—then we will find the capacity by his grace to love others too. ~Henri Nouwen
-Jesus pointed out that it is easy to love those who love you. The real test is to love those who give you every reason not to love them.
-Love is filled with faith, even in the face of calamity. Love also gives birth to hope rather than pessimism. Love never gives up; it endures. When we experience human failings, as there always are, love such as this covers a multiple of errors.
-The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and penetrations of love is hell. ~C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves-When we love others, we put them first, not ourselves. We think of what is best for them. In spite of being hurt by them, we patiently persevere in these relationships and willingly forgive because we are not selfishly absorbed in what we receive. The welfare of others is our priority.
-What really counts in life is not what you have but who you have. As the Bible says, a person’s life does not consist of his or her abundance of possessions. If you want to measure God’s love in your life, examine your relationships.

2002-11-06T03:30:00.000-05:00

just a lil' note to what i'm posting... as part of my devos, i'm starting to read a book called The Spiritual Quest by Luder G. Whitlock Jr. when i read, i like to write down things that strike me and make me think... so i thought i'd put them up and perhaps if you have the time (i know these entries are lengthy) you can ponder with me. =)

and a verse that i've been meditating on recently:
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks to the Lord, our God and King! His love endures forever!!

thoughts today:
The Spiritual Quest, chapter two: Godliness and Spiritual Maturity

-The basic error is often one of confusing the methods or means of spiritual growth with the marks of spiritual maturity. The phrase “means of grace” has been used through the years to refer to the medium through which grace may be received. The means of grace for strengthening the faith of the Christian are generally understood to be the Word of God, sacraments, and prayer. Once you become a Christian, they become the primary channel by which you draw closer to God and grow spiritually. Reading God’s Word and hearing it preached or taught, regularly joining in public worship at a church, receiving the sacraments, and participating in prayer and support groups are foundational to one’s growth and development in Christ. They do not, however, automatically guarantee spiritual growth. Rather, they must be received sincerely in faith and with gratitude or they may become the means of condemnation and judgment for the believer. That is why these activities should be understood as means of grace for spiritual growth not the actual marks of spiritual maturity. They are the vehicles to help you reach spiritual maturity but must not be equated with it.
-The gospel is a message of hope, but it is also a message of transformation.
-This is what spiritual growth means—being remade into the image of God. It is a progressive experience of conformity to the character of God.
-To be conformed to God’s image is to reflect his character or attributes in thought and behaviour.
-What we were becomes more and more distant and different from the new person who is becoming more and more like the Lord we have come to love. It is somewhat reminiscent of photographs taken during various phases of life. The progression from infancy to childhood to youth and then on to the stages of adulthood reveals striking changes. Spiritual growth involves a similar progression, and every day God’s attributes should be more clearly apparent and enduring in us. That is the mark of spiritual growth.
-When other people mingle with us and observe us in the ebb and flow of daily activities, they should be pointed to the lord through transformed lives that reflect God’s grace and character.
-Real faith creates a new character as our lives are transformed to the characteristics of God. Such character formation shapes our behaviour. When the heart is changed, the person changes. When enough people change, the culture changes, the world changes.
-Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. ~Matthew 5:16

2002-11-05T02:33:00.000-05:00

thoughts today:
The Spiritual Quest, chapter one: Spiritual Stirrings

-As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? ~Psalm 42:1-2
-You have made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you. ~ St. Augustine
-A general rootlessness often marks the evangelical world. Though one foot is solidly planted on Scripture, the other is perched on relevance. Often in its rush to adapt to the contemporary, the church has unconsciously snipped ties to its rich heritage.
-True spirituality is not superhuman religiosity; it is simply true humanity released from bondage to sin and renewed by the Holy Spirit. This is given to us as we grasp by faith the full content of Christ’s redemptive work; freedom from the guilt and power of sin. ~Richard E. Lovelace, Dynamics of Spiritual Life
-You must practice these disciplines regularly if you want to strengthen yourself spiritually, just as you must exercise regularly if you want to strengthen your body.
-Inward disciplines, like meditation, prayer, fasting, and study activate our heart and mind toward the way of Christ. Meditation is the ability to hear God’s voice and obey his word. Prayer is ongoing dialogue with the Father about what we and God are doing together. Fasting is the voluntary denial of an otherwise normal function for the sake of intense spiritual activity. Study is the process through which we bring the mind to conform to the order of whatever we are concentrating upon.
Outward disciplines, like simplicity, solitude, and submission, cultivate our appetites toward the way of Christ. Simplicity is an inward reality of single-eyed focus on God that results in an outward lifestyle free from “cumber” as William Penn put it. Solitude involves creating an empty open space for God that undercuts all the false support systems we use to shore up our lives. Submission is the ability to lay down the everlasting burden of needing to get our own way.
Corporate disciplines, like confession, guidance, and celebration cultivate our affections toward the way of Christ. Confession is the grace through which the sins and sorrows of the past are forgiven. Guidance is the experience of knowing the theocratic rule of Christ over our lives. Celebration is being as Augustine said, “an alleluia from head to foot.” ~Richard Foster
-These disciplines have no merit in and of themselves, for we become acceptable to God by grace alone, and our justification is by grace alone. The point of such spiritual practices should not be to elevate these particular activities over the rest of life but to electrify the spiritual impulse that animates all of life.
-Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself. ~Leo Tolstoy, My Religion

2002-10-16T14:52:00.000-04:00

it's been a weekend full of crazy things and surprises and yeah... just nonstop craziness. =) from meeting lots of new people *smiles* to watching a bad movie =P... to a very long meeting...golfing in very cold and windy conditions... to apple picking (but we didn't pick any cuz there were none left!) to go-karting.... i probably missed stuff but yeah... lots and lots of stuff. now i have to get back into school mode and study study study. midterms and essays and assignments these next two weeks. so i might be hibernating or something. =) probably or something cuz i'm not very good at hibernating... okie now i'm just rambling...blah blah blah... hehe... i'm going...i'm going... i've gone......................... crazy!!!! *grins*

2002-10-08T23:02:00.000-04:00

i have finally re-memorized the books of the Bible. now i'm going to begin my journey of reading it all the way through. i've attempted this several times already and have been unsuccessful... so i need to be more disciplined in doing so. here we go....

2002-09-26T21:24:00.000-04:00

the blessings and joys God bestows upon us is only a glimpse at what heaven's going to be like... God, THANK YOU. what a night i had yesterday. the genuine and heartfelt sharing and true fellowship i experienced with two of my sisters in Christ was incredible. my heart soars with joy and with hope in knowing how magnificient our God, our Father, is. and after that time we had together, and after some reflection, i think that Psalm 34 sums up the night.

I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel fo the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

2002-09-25T02:20:00.000-04:00

cast me not away from they presence, O Lord
and take not thy Holy Spirit from me.
restore unto me the joy of thy salvation
and renew a right spirit within me.

2002-09-23T15:50:00.000-04:00

whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. ~matthew 10:39

you are the light of the world. a city on a hill cannot be hidden. ~matthew 5:14

this past weekend, shu came up to visit *big grin* and we talked (shu, correct me if i'm not saying this right okie?) about people who live out their lives very evidently for Christ. and it's not just a matter of serving, or going to church or whatever... the point is that there are no 'or's involved... and it's not just living for God 'in' this and 'in' that... it's 'in' everything. that living out a Christ like life is not only parts of your life, but all of it. can we really sing that He's our 'all in all'?
my Lord Jesus, I want to live for You, and You alone.

2002-09-19T00:41:00.000-04:00

it's been a while, but i finally have internet set up here in loo!!! =) so i'm back... the first week and a half of school has passed by and i know it's gonna be a very busy busy term. one of the things that stand out in this new school term is LCCF. i'm so excited!!! God has truly provided and it's amazing to see God working in our campus. this year's fellowship has tripled in size!!! Praise GOD!!!! and we have a range of programs planned...thank you to our very dedicated committee! =) as with every beginning of a school year, i have this drive to do well and be on top of things... but somewhere along the way, this drive kinda slips and i get behind in my readings and somewhat discouraged. so please pray for me. and if you see me slacking off a lot, please... give me a kick or yell or something at me so i'll keep working! hehe... ummm... like last year, i'll be home on the weekends and singing in mass choir. it's the 20th anniversary!!! so come on out okie?! i'm giving you the dates now so there'll be no excuse!!! heehee!!!! it's november 23 and 24 in the evenings... depending on where you live, the 23rd is downtown and the 24th is uptown. 2 different programs though! mm... okie, enough of me yapping... i'll write more later. until then, God bless you!!!

2002-09-03T22:45:00.000-04:00

this past weekend i got a chance to retreat... be away from the city... bask in God's creation... in my moments of quietness i think that i've been able to finally say good-bye to an old friend. kai, i'll see you later. God continues to remind me that He is taking care of me, that i have no need to worry... He is God and i am not.

Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
prayer requests:
-moving in to laurier tomorrow
-course registration-getting the courses i need
-new term: focus
-check my priorities

2002-08-27T10:49:00.000-04:00

i'm sitting here wanting to blog... but i can't seem to write anything. i write a sentence, and it doesn't seem to make any sense, erase...and start all over again... blogger's block. *smiles*

2002-08-20T19:53:00.000-04:00

tams, thank you. the time we shared was a very blessed girlfriends time. *smiles* God brings us together and it's really awesome. we should definitely do this more often! =) see ya tomorrow you grasshopper! hehe...keep jumpin' left and right! *laughs*

God is big! God is big!
God is very, very, very, very big!
God is big! God is big!
God is very, very, very, very, very, very, BIG!!!!

2002-08-19T17:34:00.000-04:00

God can do, oh God can do,
God can do anything!
God can do, oh God can do,
He can do anything!!!!

YAY!!!!!! BUGGGGG SAFARIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-08-17T18:41:00.000-04:00

God is ALWAYS there for me.

2002-08-16T20:29:00.000-04:00

i'm done working for the summer!!! i can't believe that school is just in two weeks. the past couple of weeks, i've started thinking about the fall and what my commitments should be. there's so much that i want to do, but i've got to find a good balance, especially now. if i'm overly tired, my body shuts down and i just sleep. doesn't matter where i am... ie. yesterday at bubble tea... sorrie bout that guys. =) i wasn't bored, really!! anyways, things that i am committed to so far include mass choir (20th anniversary!!), attending LCCF, volunteer teaching at least one morning a week...probably more stuff, but things that i'm contemplating... crossroads, UWCCF, tcbc women's group, mcbc girls group, morning choir....??? i know that there's no possible way that i'll be doing all of this... i'm praying for discernment and trying to listen to God attentively. please pray for me. next week, i'll be helping out VBS. bug safari!!!! whoohoo!!! (um... i'm afraid of bugs...=) chinese show time!! until later.... keep your chin up and smile =)

2002-08-12T22:08:00.000-04:00

sunday school... honestly, i don't think i've ever really been that excited about going. i have always been told that i should go to learn more, but it was not something that i actively wanted to attend. that changed for me this summer. i am very eager to go and learn. and it's not only during that time, but also during the week, studying what we're going to be discussing in class and seeing what God is saying to me personally. i can't describe how awesome it is to study God's word and slowly but surely learn to apply it to my life. God, you are SO good!!! SO good to me.

2002-08-06T22:41:00.000-04:00

yesterday was such a rewarding and fun day!!! shu-ling and i had our little shopping escapades(i got shoes and he returned shoes..a hee hee ) ...and then we went to visit jon in kingston and had a blast just catching up with each other... and played golf... and drove golf carts!!! hehe... and very good fries...and very good chocolate cake...that put me to sleep...*laughs* just some very good fellowship time. i miss him. anyways, my pastor, nolan, came over today and we had a very good chat too... got to know each other better. very insightful guy... i know that i can trust him. =) anyways... maybe more later...

2002-08-03T07:56:00.000-04:00

i can't sleep... is there no compromise? does it have to be one way or no way at all? can i really accept that without getting all these built up feelings inside me? would God have things so lopsided?

Father, just take me. You're all i want, and all i've ever needed. when i feel alone in this world, i know you're right by my side, still cheering for me to perservere and keep moving ahead in this race.
i cast all my cares upon You.
i lay all of my burdens down at your feet.
and anytime that i don't know what to do,
i will cast all my cares upon You.
in Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

2002-07-30T21:20:00.000-04:00

another story...

Our Life's Partner
Author Unknown

Wishing to encourage her young son’s progress on the piano, a mother took her boy to a Paderewski concert. After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her.

Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall, the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door marked "NO ADMITTANCE". When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered that the child was missing.

Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway on stage. In horror, the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." At that moment, the great piano miastro made his entrance and quickly moved to the piano. He whispered in the boy’s ear, "Don’t quit. Keep playing." Then, leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child and he added a running obligato. Together, the old master and the young novice transformed a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience.

The audience was mesmerized.

That’s the way it is with God. What we can accomplish on our own is hardly noteworthy. We try our best, but the results aren’t exactly graceful flowing music. With the hand of the Master, our life’s work truly can be beautiful.

Next time you set out to accomplish great feats, listen carefully. You can hear the voice of the Master, whispering in your ear, "Don’t quit. Keep playing." Feel His loving arms around you. Know that His strong hands are there helping you turn your feeble attempts into true masterpieces. Remember, God doesn’t call the equipped; He equips the called. He’ll always be there to love and guide you on to great things.

2002-07-30T21:00:00.000-04:00

my phone's working again... finally! anyways, here's a passage called "How to Enter In":

A Christian lady who had this feeling was once expressing to a friend how impossible she found it to say, "Thy will be done," and how afraid she should be to do it. She was the mother of an only little boy who was the heir to a great fortune and the idol of her heart. After she had stated her difficulties fully, her friend said, "Suppose your little Charley should come running to you tomorrow and say, 'Mother, i have made up my mind to let you have your own way with me from this time forward. i am always going to obey you, and i want you to do just whatever you think best with me. i will trust your love.' how would you feel towards him? would you say to yourself, 'Ah, now i shall have a chance to make Charley miserable. i will take away all his pleasures and fill his life with every hard and disagreeable thing that i can find. i will compel him to do just the things that are the most difficult for him to do and will give him all sorts of impossible commands.'"
"oh, no, no, no!" exclaimed the indignant mother. "You know i would not. you know i would hug him to my heart and cover him with kisses and would hasten to fill his life with all that was sweetest and best."
"And are you more tender and more loving than God?"
~Hannah Whitall Smith

what a great reminder that God is greater in everything, so much more than we can ever imagine. don't play God's role. let Him be God.

2002-07-29T20:25:00.000-04:00

i read this poem on a fellow blogger's page and thought that it should be shared cuz it spoke to me a lot and i really needed the reminder.

LETTING GO
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring,
It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
It’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable,
But to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
Which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for,
But to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
But to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
But to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
But to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
But to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
But to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
But to take each day as it comes.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
But to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
But to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more!

~Charles Swindoll, The Grace Awakening

2002-07-29T19:56:00.000-04:00

the past few days have been very difficult but God is so so great. I am so thankful. He knew that I would need this time of work to keep my mind from thinking way too much. I went back to work today and spent a lot of time from opening to closing in continuous prayer and writing. i poured my heart out to God, pleading for His guidance and peace and comfort. and He answered my prayers. things are far from being resolved, but God is with me, and i do not need to fear. rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. not sometimes, not when you feel like it, not when something good happens. ALWAYS. means, no 'ifs', 'ands' or 'buts' about it. i'm slowly learning that.
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me, you might have peace. in this world you will have tribulation. but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world! ~John 16:33

2002-07-28T20:39:00.000-04:00

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
~Hebrews 12:14
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easiliy entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and satdown at the right hand of the throne of God. consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. in your struggle against sin, you ahve not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. and you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My sons, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
~Hebrews 12:1-6
Have i now become your enemy by telling you the truth?
~Galatians 4:16

2002-07-27T10:25:00.000-04:00

up and down... up and down... i think that i'm going crazy...

2002-07-25T20:11:00.000-04:00

another music camp almost over... i was really looking forward to this week of children's camp, but now i'm so physically tired. yesterday i was reluctant to attend women's cell cuz i really wanted to rest, but i am so glad that i went. we had such heart-felt sharings and digging into God's word. i'm a princess of the King! =) shu and i have also discovered how precious encouragement is to us. and i am really enjoying the time we had in studying the 2 Corinthians 7 together. if you're interested, you can ask our thoughts on that passage. *smiles* and we're gonna try to dig in Romans 11 too. something on my mind the past few hours... when we hear something we don't agree with and not speak up, is that the same as saying you agree with it? lots of swirling thoughts... maybe i'll write more later...

2002-07-20T23:15:00.000-04:00

wow... so many people i know are getting engaged or getting married soon! nuts i tell ya... it's just nuts!!! *smiles*

2002-07-20T21:48:00.000-04:00

i went to a music service tonight and it was very powerful. the choir that backed up the song leader (which was dr. lin) was not very well prepared and did not sing very well, but that did not matter. the whole sanctuary lifted God's name on high; young and old, in tune or not in tune, we all rejoiced and praised our Heavenly Father. it was an evening of hymnal singing, but the message came across so well. Praise the Lord, o my soul, and all that is in me, praise Him. we sang hymns that are very familiar, yet the words seemed to jump out of the page at me and give me new insight and new meaning. i want to share with you the lyrics of two of my favourites from tonight:

A Hymn of Promise

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
in cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
in the cold and snow of winter there's a spring that waits to be,
unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There's a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
there's a dawn in every darkness bringing hope to you and me.
from the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
in our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity.
in our death, a resurrection; at the last a victory,
unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

Make Me a Channel of Your Peace

Make me a channel of Your peace:
where there is hatred let me bring Your love,
where there is injury, your pardon, Lord,
and where there's doubt, true faith in You.

O Master, grant that i may never seek
so much to be consoled, as to console,
to be understood, as to understand,
to be loved, as to love with all my soul!

Make me a channel of Your peace:
where there's despair in life let me bring hope,
where there is darkness, only light,
and where there's sadness ever joy.

Make me a channel of Your peace,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
in giving to all men that we receive,
and in dying that we're born to eternal life.

i wish you were there to share it with me dear...this was just a lil' glimpse of singing in heaven.... how beautiful.

2002-07-17T20:16:00.000-04:00

wednesday... dr. richard called me yesterday and told me that he got me an appointment to see one of his colleagues who's a thyroid specialist... so this morning shu drove me there. not that much to tell i'm afraid... my thyroid's enlarged more now and so there's less space in my throat... the past few days i thought that i had a sore throat so i was having problems swallowing, but that's not the case... he said that because there's less space now, i will have difficulty swallowing, and it will probably affect my voice a bit too. oh, no seaweed for me!!!! so if you ever see me eating it, hit me on the head or something =). otherwise, i should watch what i eat, but i can eat everything else. i know i know shu!!! i'll watch how much sweets i eat... i promise. anyways, i'm in youth music camp this week and i'm having a pretty good time. some of it is slightly boring...hehe... but this is what i enjoy and what i want to do in the future. =) maybe not quite the same way... but yeah. to use music as a channel to reach out to younger people... whether it is to share with them about God's love or to deepen their understanding of what worship is so they can deepen their relationship with God. mm... we've looked at a lot of psalms these past few days and one that spoke to me greatly was psalm 51. it was David's plea for mercy, forgiveness, and cleansing. i tried praying this psalm last night... i think i'm going to memorize it and pray it daily... maybe you want to try it too? =) i need to meditate more on His word.

Psalm 51:1-17
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak and justfied when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

2002-07-09T23:51:00.000-04:00

moodiness... one of my hardest battles...

2002-07-09T14:39:00.000-04:00

studying studying and more studying... i think my brains starting to cramp...(is that possible? =P)
anyways, i have a request from a friend... recently her friend has become more interested in Christianity through veggie tales (yay!!!) and would like to play with some of the lyrics. in particular, more verses for the 'water buffalo song' have been requested. so if you have any free time, please make up some silly verses and sing along! =) here are the words... be creative and come up with your own! (silly and fun but not inappropriate please! ) and let me know when you've come up with something so i can pass it along!

The Water Buffalo Song
(Chorus)
Everybody’s got a water buffalo,
Yours is fast but mine is slow,
Oh where’d you get them, I don’t know but
Everybody’s got a water buffalooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(Verse 1)
I took my buffalo to the store,
got his head stuck in the door,
spilled some lima beans on the floor,
Oh everybody’s got a water buffalooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(Your Verse....) =P

dear, i think you'd be very good at this! hehe...
okie, back to studying... again... =) i'll be back =)

2002-07-06T10:54:00.000-04:00

words... the more i study English as a language, the more i scrutinize what i say and in return, what people say to me. it seems that in our society today there are so many empty promises thrown around... promises of action, of love, of truthfulness... do you ever wonder if people really mean it when they promise you something? i like the motto, 'don't make promises you can't keep'. and if you say you're gonna do something, do it! but after saying this, i am reminded of a poem i once read:

if, in any way, i belittle those who i am called to serve...
if i talk of their weak points in contrast, perhaps, with what i think of as my stronger points...
if i adopt a superior attitude, forgetting to consider wisdom of the voice that asks me, inwardly, "who made you different from the one you are criticizing--and what do you have that you have not been given?"
if i can easily discuss the shortcomings of the sins of any man or woman...
if i can speak in an offhanded way, even of a child's wrongdoing...then i know nothing of Calvary love.

2002-07-06T01:19:00.000-04:00

after talking with shu today, it made me think again. do we really know what we're singing? and if we don't, how can we mean it? 4 years ago i promised God that i'd never cease to praise his name. there were some trying times, but i'm on a quest to maintain that. but that comes with understanding who you're singing to and what exactly it is that you're saying. so many songs have promises to God yet sometimes it's not reflective in our lives. we talked about the song Refiner's Fire today. so for those who'd like to know more about that, here's a lil' story:

There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three, they came across verse three which says:
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study.
That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in a such a hot spot - then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.
She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, how do you know when the silver is fully refined?
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy - when I see my image in it".

can others see God in me? can others see God in you?

2002-07-03T10:05:00.000-04:00

so another month is here... i am a lot better now. i can stand on my own two feet and walk around more. the doctors have narrowed my sickness down to two things--hashimoto thyroiditis or graves disease-- both pertaining to my thyroid. apparently when i fainted over a month ago, my thyroid was over-reacting by a lot and so i had an imbalance with the potassium in my body... actually i almost had none left so my muscles gave out on me. one doctor thinks that i will eventually move from hyper-thyroidism to hypo-thyroidism and have the opposite symptoms. he thinks i'll have to be on medication the rest of my life. it's actually not as bad as it sounds cuz it's just one pill a day. i'm just glad that someone seems to know what's wrong with me. and with graves disease... there's a mechanism in our brains that tells our thyroids how much to produce in order to balance it with the potassium and other things in our bodies. my lil' mechanism is not working... whatever the case is, my parents want to bring me to see a chinese doctor and have chinese medicine... yuck!!! *shivers* just thinking about it... eeewie...i know i'm being a big baby. but yeah, enough about that... thank you all once again for your prayers. i believe that there is so much power in prayer.
here's a lil' tidbit from my devotion time this morning. it's written by joni eareckson tada:

hardened clay is brittle, easily damaged. if dropped, it can fracture into a thousand pieces. dropped wax, however, only bends fromt he pressure of the fall. impressionable and pliable, it can be quickly remolded.
people are like that. people who are hardened in their resolve against God are brittle; their emotions are easily damaged. but those who bend to the will of God find perfect expression in however God molds them.
"The same sun that hardens clay, melts wax." that's true. there is no change or variation in the sun itself. it's just the way the clay or wax responds. trials and suffering will harden some just like breakable clay, baking in bitterness and resentment. the same circumstances can melt others, teaching them patience and endurance. the trials have no value or intrinsic meaning in themselves. it's the way we respond to those trials that makes all the difference.

after reflecting upon this and chatting with God, i am a mix of wax and clay. a big part of that clay is pride... especially in admitting that i'm wrong. Father, 'brokenness, brokenness is what i long for... brokenness is what i need... brokenness is what You want for me.' so take those broken pieces and melt them... and mold me Lord as you please.

2002-06-25T18:43:00.000-04:00

it's been quite some time... and lots more have taken place... i'm more sick than i'd like to admit but things are improving ever so slightly. i don't think i've realized how great a gift health is until now... thank you everyone for praying for me and sticking by...and shu, thanks. a fresh start... =) hmmm... i'm tired already... here's a couple of bible verses that have been close to my heart lately...
"The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and i will praise him, my father's God, and i will exalt him." ~Exodus 15:2
"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." ~Isaiah 12:2

2002-06-13T18:45:00.000-04:00

hmm... i guess i'm not very consistent here... =) but i wanted to talk about women's cell group. i'm so excited!! it's really cool to know that God is working. I remember reading through Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby and he talks about God confirming His will, and one of the ways is through other people. when all these girls of the church sat down to meet and share what they saw and desired it was so evident that God really wants this to happen. we established four cell groups! *bubbling!* i can't wait! and i think i'm starting to be more and more comfortable with them. i was able to share what has happened the past two weeks of my life and be very honest with how i felt.
i know that i keep referring to what's happened to me and never really explained it, so here goes...
two weeks ago today, the 30th, i left work early cuz i had a headache and was feeling under the weather. despite that, i went out with cookie (my best friend priscilla), iris, and jones for dinner at marches. towards the end of dinner i had a stomach ache and was really not feeling well. we decided to leave and i went outside first. i felt like i was going to throw up so i bent over but i couldn't, and suddenly i fell back and fainted. luckily, cookie caught me or else i would have hit my head. i didn't know what was going on. i could hear them talking to me and telling me to wake up, but i couldn't... and i couldn't feel or move anything. they called the ambulance and took me to north york general. they poked me and hit me and even injected some medication in me to shock my system, but nothing... absolutely no response. they did all the testing that they could do, and there was nothing in the results to give them any clue to why i was in such a state. the thing was that i could still hear, but my only response of any type was that my eyes were still fluttering. the doctors said that it looks like a drug overdose case but there was absolutely nothing in my system. what i heard... i can't begin to describe how sad it was... my dad and shu kept talking and talking to me... i so wanted to reassure them and let them know that everything was fine... but i couldn't... and finally, what triggered i think was when my dad sang 'jesus loves me' to me. he used to sing to me as a child... God graciously brought me back.
so many thoughts... maybe next time...

2002-06-10T19:06:00.000-04:00

So this is my first official blog... i've been so hesitant in this public blogging idea because i'm a pretty private person. i wasn't sure i wanted people to know what i thought or what was happening in my life. but after living through the past 2 weeks, i've come to realize that there is so much to share--so much that i want to share. at the moment, i'm grateful to be alive and well and that i was able to see the sun shine this morning. life is precious, take care. i laughed when one of my guy friends bought the book 'a touch of wonder'. it's about how we should cherish even the littlest things of life and see how God works in them... at least that's what i got from reading the back cover =)... lately i've seen more and more how God 'touches' my life and all that is going on. He is a gracious and merciful God. you're probably wondering what has brought all this on... it's a long story... i'll blog it when i have more time. all i want to say right now, is that God is good, all the time. and when i say 'all' there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. He is always good.